Epic Fail.

First of all, my camera is all the way broken now. That really bums me out.

Second, I spent all last night frogging my red sweater vest. Whoopsies. I made it about six onches too short and eight inches too wide. I don't know where i went wrong. I'm too sad to try again ao now I have to figure out something else to do with ref acrylic yarn...

Photos!!!!!!!

A bedroom in the same theme.

A beautiful hanging organizer.

I love this sitting area.

Another bedroom successfully pulling off these colors.

http://meandwee.blogspot.com/2009/02/nursery.html

again from me and wee.

and again.

Great crocheted afghan.

http://susanweinroth.typepad.com/a_little_bit_of_me/2010/05/a-look-at-the-nursery.html

http://susanweinroth.typepad.com/a_little_bit_of_me/2010/05/a-look-at-the-nursery.html

http://armellejewelry.blogspot.com/2009/11/norahs-nursery-tour.html

I am especially a fan of the nursery Susan Weinroth has on her blog. Such a great use of color!

What A Day!

Well, friends, after technical difficulties with my waterproof camera that suddenly filled with water, and a missing micro usb cord, and a hectic work week followed by a nasty flu, I return! And with at least a few photos!!To start off with, let me say that the aprons were a huge success. Dani's eyes teared up a little as she told me no one had ever MADE anything for her before! I was really apalled by that. Those of us who craft and create do so with a lot of care and thought to what we're making and for whom. I've been blessed with other friends who are crafty. Their craftiness may be a little different from mine, but at least a few of my friends have made something for me with as much thought and care as what I've made for them. All I can say is that she deserved it, and while I'm sad I was her first, I'm glad I could give that little handmade gift to her. Photos will be posted as soon as my camera dries out and learns to cooperate.So, with those long done and out of my head, I've been thinking lots about the next projects. Dani gave me some super bright red acrylic yarn for Christmas. I was going to use it to make a cute little heart garland for Valentine's day or to save up for more Christmas decoration fun, but as spring approaches and the sun comes out a little more in this Southern California city I dislike but have called home for almost seven years, I again put work first. What I mean to say is, I put work clothes first! I'm knitting myself a deep V sweater vest for work. I've never owned a sweater vest and most of the red in my closet is either deep colored or disintegrating, so something super bright and warm without being too warm, and preppy in a slightly tacky way, seems pretty appealing. I started on it last night and I've got about six inches of either the front or the back panel done. I've decided also that I want to learn to knit a sweater top down. I'll probably start on a baby cardigan first, and work my way up to a grown-up sweater. I usually knit socks, and have never made it even half-way through one side of a sweater body before, so I think baby steps are good. Dylan (the name we've already picked out for our one-day baby, whether girl or boy) will look cute in a little cardigan. I'm thinking a lovely aqua with a white yolk with yellow stars of different sizes and raglan sleeves, which sort of leads to the next paragraph.Not long before Bubbs (my husband, nickname not legal name...) and I actively started trying to conceive, we (moreso I) chose a gender neutral color scheme and theme. Especially working in a retail environment (I'll bet you can guess based on my wardrobe colors...) I've seen a lot of themes come and go. There are boy and girl versions of jungle themes, there are blue and green robots or trains or airplains, or pink and lavendar princesses and ladybugs and flowers. There are brown and pink or blue geometric prints and navy and cream damask prints. Everything seems to cycle around in these similar coordinating things. There is rarely anything gender neutral, and when there is, it just seems so drab. I like sunny bright playful cheerful colors. I love colors. Anyone can agree that colors can enhanse moods and change how a space feels, making it smaller or larger, warmer or colder, and welcoming or sterile. I want to be happy in my child's room, and I really want Dylan to be happy, so we're rebelling from all the standard sets and themes! Dylan's room will be aqua, yellow and white. These colors are calming while being energizing, welcoming, happy, warm, and totally totally gender neutral. Unfortunately, rebellion comes at a price.There are no crib sets or ready-to-use decor available in these colors. It seems strange but it is true. I've spent literally about 100 hours to date scouring the internet for crib sets, travel systems, fabric or wallpaper in these colors. For some reason, the designers out there can't leave this combo be. They always add a little bit of blue or green or peach into the mix to make sure the colors are identifiable for a single gender. Well poo on them. I am in good company, however, with mom's or wannabes that have had difficulty creating an aqua/yellow/white nursery. My favorite successful rooms so far have got to be the three aqua and yellow ones midway through this post: http://weekendsathome.blogspot.com/2010/12/images-as-promised-of-nurseries.htmlI already have a random selection of aqua and teal and yellow and white fabrics, plus a very long list of other fabrics I want from fabric.com and fabricdepot.com. I'll have to mix and match a lot and use bindings and trim to unify everything, but I think I can get it to work. The official baby room project list is a little long and extremely ambitious, but I'm determined. So, here it is:

~Crib sheets (at least three that I sew myself)

~Quilts (two, preferably)

~Crib skirts (two, to coordinate with different bumpers and quilts)

~Bumpers (um, not to be repetitive, but two)

~Curtains (probably cafe style, but it depends on where we are living. Our current lease runs up in six months, and I certainly hope I don't already have a baby by then because that would mean Dylan was QUITE a preemie!)

~Hanging organizer for the back of a door, similar to a shoe organizer, but with a greater variety of pockets.

~Two diaper bags of different sizes.

~Three or four changer covers.

~A dozen or so receiving blankets.

~Three terry cloth swaddles/towels.

~A ton (or at least a dozen) AOI cloth diapers.

~A few different crocheted or knitted baby blankets.

Also, I was able to benefit from working in my current retail establishment by getting a crib and a travel system on clearnace 75% off, and then taking an additional 10% for my employee discount, so I already have those. I'm not a huge fan of the fabric on the travel system, though, so I want to cut up all the covers on the car seat and stroller to use as a pattern to make at least two high quality, water resistant but washable covers for these in our lovely yellow and aqua color scheme. Yikes, right? I think I can do it. I have a few great books, several years of amateur sewing experience and a rapidly growing stash of fabrics.

Not to overwhelm, but I also have a few storage projects outside of the sewing/knitting/crochetting category. The crib is a deep cherry color, which I think will look pretty contrasting with the lighter/brighter colors, but I want to have other furniture tie in as well. I need to find or build a rolling under crib storage drawer in white, and I already have a large dresser (about five feet wide, waist-high, six drawers) in an oak color that I need to strip and stain to match the cherry, then I want to replace the drawer pulls with white ones and add a solid white paint to the top of the dresser. The dresser is going to be bolted to the wall so it can bear some weight without tipping, and the changer will be places on top along with various storage bins for diapering and grooming. I alerady have a bunch of those containers, and can picture everything all layed out. It is a lot of work and will take a million years, but I can't say how exciting it is to get it all out and put down in writing. It brings tangibility to my ideas. If all goes well, the next post will be photos of all my ideas and fabrics and references and collections! Wouldn't that be lovely? We'll see if blogger and my camera are being cooperative tonight!

So, to end this, I'll finally get into the subject of this post: "What a day!"

I went to my follow-up endocrinologist appointment. A few weeks ago I had a whopping eight vials of fresh blood stolen from me for the sake of a great many lab tests. There was a metabolic panel, several hormone tests, blood glucose and insulin level tests (A1C, if you're familiar with sugar-related tests) as well as tests to test how accurate the tests would be. Well, after a fight with Bubbs about him not seeing the point to coming with me, a long drive up to La Jolla, a lovely $55 copay, and several minutes waiting uncomfortably in an exam room trying not to seem as sick as I am in case he made me reschedule again, I was told there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of my levels. I am not diabetic, nor close. Despite being diagnosed as having polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) as the main culprit in my infertility mainly due to elevated testosterone levels (which have also caused weight issues, acne, brittle hair, and unwanted facial hair...), he said that every hormone tested, including testosterone, were well within the normal and healthy range. My adrenal's great, my thyroid is perfect with the current level of levothyroxine. He said that he saw nothing that indicated I should be having difficulty ovulating or having regular periods, and that he, in fact, could see "no reason to see" me in the future "with the exception of occasional check-ups on your thyroid, or once you are pregnant." What the hell? This should be good news but it isn't. If there is something wrong enough to not conceive for two years, it shouldn't just magically disappear. And if suddenly everything is perfect and normal, why are there so many unanswered questions and random symptoms, and why am I still not having a period? I don't understand. I wish something had shown up not in a normal category so that I could at least get some sort of concrete treatment. So now I have to find myself an OB/GYN and get my annual pap and then literally bide my time until my appointment with my fertility specialist IN A MONTH! I scheduled the appointments so far off so that I would be able to implement any treatment he prescribed prior to trying to go through whatever hormone therapy she was going to give me. Now I'm just an additional month away from my goal, and more frustrated and baffled than before. I guess it gives me time to lose the weight she wants me to lose...and I guess I should be thankful for good health.

Projects Completed.

There is something so rewarding about completing a project. I am extremely project oriented. I think my husband would be the first person to tell you that if I can't put a task into the "project" category, the task probably won't get done. Laundry is a task, and I won't stop until every piece is folded, ironed, sorted, hung and put away. Cleaning the car isn't a day-to-day activity. It is a project eventually. Dishes are a project after a few days of not doing them. Work is filled with countless projects that motivate me. The last two days have been very rewarding for me because more than one project was successfully crossed off my to-do list, both at work and around the house. I finished Bree's and Dani's aprons the same night I started. I'll share some pictures as soon as I can find my camera cord...
My husband always tells me, in my many bouts of self-loathing and depression, that losers are merely people who always lose, but as soon as you start winning, you have the momentum to keep winning. Projects are my coping mechanism so I can feel my hard work has paid off, even if it is just in the knowledge that I successfully finished a project. It's my rated G version of notches on my belt, I guess.
I am still a little sad today. I guess I'll take my winnings and run with them. I can still be a winner and listen to sad music, though, right? I wish it were raining. I'd love to paint on a day of successes like today.

A Trip to JoAnn's Makes My Century, Everytime!

I love fabric stores. I love looking at all the colors and feeling all the textures and imagining all the amazing fun ridiculous things that I could make from each of them. Right now I'm on an apron kick. I'm not sure if it is because of my recent obsession with sewing useful/cute things for home, or if it is slight bitterness from not getting to make my sister-in-law the super super cute one I was going to for her birthday last month because her other sister bought one instead (I couldn't show her up, you know.). The obsession was only made greater by my adorable hubb buying me a vintage-y apron with pink trim and cupcakes all over it. I still haven't gotten to make one and its making me antsy! Sooooo...

While, like anyone else out there, I don't always LOVE my job, what I do love are the great people like my  friends Bree and Dani. If it wasn't for those two women, I know I wouldn't have made it through the holiday season. Bree and Dani are a lot like me: work-a-holics, happy with their families, over achievers that are borderline masochistic because of their need to do a good job, and most of all, domestic goddesses! Dani can bake like nobody's business. Sweet, savory, fresh, spiced, luscious, light, she can do it all. Bree bakes and cooks, too, when she isn't out and about sewing amazing 3-D christmas stockings with stuffed snowmen and mooses on them and things of the like. As far as San Diego goes, right now, they are my closest friends. I trust them almost entirely. That said, good friends deserve rewards, and what better reward than a CUTE APRON?!!!!!!

Bree's apron will be made out of this cute aqua colored fabric, with a bright red ruffle trim and waist tie:

Dani's apron will be this golden zinnia print with a butter yellow ruffle trim and a lemongrass waist tie:

I don't officially have a pattern for an apron so I'm going to wing it. I'm going for something ultra feminine and slightly vintage. Wish me luck.

Beginnings

The beginning of a new year is odd. There isn't anything dramatically different today than a week ago, yet we all view a new year as a fresh start. We create resolutions and find a new motivation to reach goals we usually make excuses for not reaching and to forgive ourselves for our many mistakes from the past. We wipe the slate clean and get up each morning with a new fresh sense of purpose, even if the only purpose we can name thusfar is to be better people. I am no different from everyone else. I have additional motivations to be a better person, however, and that is why I have created this space here. As the year, and years, continue, I'd like a chronical of my successes and failures as a constant reminder of why it all matters.

This year is the year I will create. As an artist, I have spent my entire life creating. Even when I don't like the end result of something I have created, I find myself needing to go through the process. I take pride in knowing that I am capable. I'm sure at least some of this stems from my survivalist views on life. I take pride in knowing that in the event of an apocalypse, I have the creativity and resourcefulness to just possibly survive. Its not morbid, or pessimistic, but something that gives me a great sense of comfort. I will create a lot this year. I will sew, sculpt, knit, paint, tattoo, dance, cook. Most importantly, I will create life.

My husband and I have been unsuccessfully trying to conceive for almost two years, and through the help of a few amazing doctors, and even more amazing family and friends, this year I will conceive a child. This is not just a goal, but a promise I've made to myself. It will be a difficult journey, probably more difficult than the past year -- a year filled with appointments, blood tests, exams, crushing vulnerability and inadequacy, uncertainty, hopelessness, and disappointment -- but the end result of this creative pursuit is one I will certainly love.

That being said, this written collection of thoughts will be about my whole life. It will show how I learn to cope with the stresses of work and family and finances and my own personal anxieties. It will be a place to show off the things I do to help set up a home for my family. I may go weeks without mentioning baby stuff, but I will know, as anyone who knows me already knows, that it is all part of that end. I hope the ride is full of colors and ideas and solutions and all arounds creation. Thanks for coming along for the ride.