Getting closer.

I am working overnight all week and have had a lot of extra time to lose myself in thought. I take my pregnancy test in three days and a few hours and, as usual, I'm starting to worry about things that are out of my control. My doctor called to confirm I had actually ovulated, based on a blood test I took last friday. My breasts have been miserably sore, and I am very hormonal, so I already knew something for sure was happening. I also started cramping a little today, and spotting just the teeny tiniest little bit. Implantation bleeding? That would be great. Beginning of my period? Equally possible. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

I have been through my fair share of letdowns the past two years. My husband and I charted my cycles, used ovulation indicator strips for months, all just to realize I don't ovulate. I sprung my first appointment with the fertility specialist on my husband. We've been seeing her almost a year, now. First I had a blood test that took nine vials of blood. Then I had to have a dye test. That was painful, physically and emotionally. I have a uterine anomoly, it turns out, on top of my hypothyroidism and PCOS. The results of the dye test were concerning enough that my doctor had me then have and MRI of my abdomen, to get a better idea of how severe my anomoly was while also checking I had two kidneys. There is a high risk of missing a kidney when your uterus is heart shaped, like mine. There were discussions of surgeries and other scary things of that nature. Luckily the MRI clearly showed two kidneys and cleared the need for surgery, but not how the threat had made me feel. I still remember breaking down in my HR manager's office when I had to let her know I might have to miss work during the Christmas holidays.

Once we finally had everything figured out, and started the process of conception, my husband had to leave town for work.

I'm worried. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. What if this doesn't work? I cried so much today, watching Parenthood, when one of the characters who had been trying to conceive for four months found out she wouldn't be able to get pregnant. I'm praying I don't have to go through much more bad news.